Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
