so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
