This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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