we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
