You just made me feel so damn special
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
