She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize