Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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