Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
