oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
