yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
