i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
birth control should be required to get into college
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
