We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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