Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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