I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
