my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
