Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
