What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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