The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
