I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
