youre lurking in front of me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
