I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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