I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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