so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
