it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
