Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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