dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
