i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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