I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
