i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
