No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
