This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
