You just made me feel so damn special
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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