She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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