I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
