I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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