i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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