Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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