they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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