I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
