...so i touched it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
