You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
