Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize