Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
