my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
