she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
