just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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