and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
