you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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