Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize