I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
