So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize