Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
