whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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