it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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