The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
