Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
