Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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