Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
