I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
