Nicole vs. Life
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
