btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
