we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
