we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
