just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
