Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize