i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
