oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
