Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
