Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
