i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
