Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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