kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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